Ode to the Chinese Male; and Lady Laowais Can Have Yellow Fever Too

Bruce Lee with son Brandon and wife Linda.

Martial arts legend Bruce Lee and his wife Linda (Credit: WENN)

Yesterday while in Beijing’s expat district Sanlitun, I proposed a theory to my hairdresser. The reason why there were disproportionately so few Chinese men with foreign women couples is that the same distinguishing features about Asian people that make Asian women so attractive to foreign men: they’re smaller, softer, and sweeter – are the same qualities that unfortunately render Asian men unattractive to foreign women.

Many of the qualities of Chinese culture, when placed side by side with Western culture, are feminine in nature: the modesty, the submissiveness, the importance placed on harmony, family and community. Western culture, and by extension Westerners, are comparatively more independent, assertive, exuberant and into violent, team sports like American football. American football will always symbolize the West for me. The game blazes and roars in a way that makes it the last thing I can ever imagine any Chinese people ever taking up.

While my Chinese hairdresser agreed, he also proposed, with a smile, that it’s also a case of Chinese men not being into foreign women.

Takeshi Kaneshiro in House of Flying Daggers.

Half Japanese, half Taiwanese actor Takeshi Kaneshiro

While I am 100% ethnically Chinese, apparently my Australian upbringing has stamped a sort of “masculinity” onto me. Previously I designed a little thought experiment in which I placed my photo among eight Mainland women and asked readers to see if they could pick me. As I was dressed in clothes I had bought in China, and had carefully chosen a mix of Chinese women from different classes, I had assumed people would have trouble. But to my surprise commenters overwhelmingly claimed that they’d instantly picked me. One person had said my build was more “athletic” (at 165cm I would be considered on the big side by Asian standards – although I have always been “average” in Australia), while another said that I seem less gendered (that is, less girly).

Despite growing up in Australia and so surrounded by burly, outdoorsy types, I’ve never been into super masculine men. As a teenager my heartthrob was the slender Leonardo DiCaprio, as seen in Baz Luhrmann’s “Romeo and Juliet”. So perhaps it’s unsurprising that unlike most foreign women who come to China – including overseas born Chinese women – I discovered that I was quite into Chinese Mainland guys. I love how they text you every hour (“I just ate breakfast”, “it’s hot today”, “I just ate lunch”, “what are you going to eat for dinner?”), I love how soft their skin is, but most of all, I just think some of them are really pretty.

Godfrey Gao in a Louis Vuitton advertisement.

Chinese male model Godfrey Gao

A good friend of mine – a true, blue Aussie sheila if you’ve ever seen one – has a thing for Asian guys. All the major characters to have featured in her love life, including her current boyfriend, have been Asian. It was a novelty to me, to be in China and able to share “hey check him out” comments with a white girl. We once travelled together and mutually confessed a crush on the same ticket inspector, while on the overnight train from Beijing to Dalian. And her current boyfriend, a hunky Chinese lifeguard from the local pool, has been her most serious relationship to date. She has what you call, “Yellow Fever”.

But typically the term references white men who have a taste for Asian women, because it rarely so happens the other way. A video of the same name, made by some Chinese American filmmakers, takes some funny jabs at the subject as noted in their own country. In the video the Chinese American protagonist finds his sister has been too easily seduced by his white flatmate. But by the end of the video the tables have turned, when the same sister suddenly goes all lovesick at the sight of his black friend.

Africans are an increasingly common sight here in Beijing, and if the contrast between a white person and a Chinese person, I’d argue that it is even more so with Africans. The timbre of an African voice resonates deeply. And his form is generally more muscular. While the physique of the Chinese man next to him either seem to disappear into the folds of his shirt, or else cradle a cheerfully round beer belly. All in all, they are highly noticeable in a wash of Chinese faces.

And Chinese men with African girlfriends or wives are a novelty that many internet commenters here sarcastically attack. A purvey of these comments shows the lack of political correctness and outright racism that exists in China in regards to black people. I’ll never forget one Chinese class we were reading a textbook in which the Chinese author described a character as a “beautiful black woman”, which made my teacher laugh. She said, “I guess the writer is just being polite”. When I asked her why, she said, “uh, well, I guess we Chinese people can’t tell if a black person is beautiful or not.”

Wang Leehom.

American-born Chinese singer-songwriter Wang Leehom

As crudely as she said it, I can’t help but think that for all the foreign women that come to China and turn their noses up at the locals, a healthy mixture of open-mindedness and natural acclimatization would help change their minds. My Polish friend Matty used to think all Chinese people look the same. Once when we were on the Beijing subway he jokingly pushed our Chinese Peruvian friend Anthony back into the crowd of Chinese people, and then said, “Anthony, where are you? I can’t see you!” The bastard. But after two years in China, Matty says this isn’t the case for him anymore.

One’s eye can be accustomed to the Chinese look, to the point that I feel unsettled in the first day or two of each holiday I spend in Australia. The men there seem too tall, so broad-shouldered, so pale, and so very hairy. Moving to China and digging the local guys belongs to a wider process of cultural immersion. I speak Chinese, eat Chinese food, watch Chinese television. Isn’t it natural I also begin to like Chinese guys as well? It annoys me when foreign women openly say Chinese guys simply aren’t attractive. Rather than qualify that it is they who don’t find Chinese guys attractive, seeing as attraction is a matter that is purely subjective.

Jay Chou.

Taiwanese popstar Jay Chou

GQ cover featuring Ethan Ruan, Chang Chen, and Han Han.

Actors Ethan Ruan and Chang Chen, plus blogger/race-car driver Han Han

The last Chinese boyfriend I had once cheekily slapped me on the bum and told me I was bigger than him, which I was. Being with him was how I imagined it felt like to be in a male, gay couple. It wasn’t simply a cultural subversion, in some ways it felt like a gender subversion as well.

Perhaps it’s fair to say on a traditional scale of masculinity, Chinese men come up comparatively short. But I don’t need a guy to hunt boar or plant potatoes. Build my house. Fight wars. Or slap me around. I need a guy who will be my partner. Be a good father to our kids. Hold my hand, and hug me when I feel sad that I’m living so far away from my family and friends. And for these things there are many, attractive Chinese guys, who can definitely qualify.

And as comedian Jen Kwok says, everyone really should date an Asian man at least once in their life.

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  • Jax

    In my humble opinion, I believe it is not so much about western women perhaps finding qualities normally associated with chinese men unattractive, nor is it about white men finding asian women more attractive, rather its actually about how asian men and asian women differ in their behavior when in a western context.

    While asian women tend to be more open and inclined towards socialising outside of their usual ethnic circle, asian men tend to stick to their comfort zones within their own ethnic friends and groups.

    However, ultimately its not even about this, its actually about two people coming together, with compatible personality and character, obviously sexual attraction is needed, who fall in love with each other; no matter color,race or creed.

    • Jack

      The article was well balanced. Many Asian and Arab men find western women attractive….and many Asians can’t tell the difference between an American, British, Scandinavian or German…if we see a white guy…we think he is from the west…the common problems found by the expats living in Asia…

      In my experience…deep within….we all think alike…no matter if you are Chinese or Japanese or American…we are all same same

  • geronimoog

    I’m a white American woman, first off, and I also am in a relationship, nearly 2 years strong, with a Chinese man, who is also originally from China. I never really bought into the whole “Asian men are more feminine” thing and never To me, Asian men aren’t necessarily more feminine, just perhaps, shorter and usually built smaller than “Western” guys. But then again, maybe because I’m a petite woman, I never really saw it as a big deal.

  • Boris

    “American football will always symbolize the West for me.”

    Don’t get it wrong, but this is not a good way to establish credibility at the beginning your article. It makes your view of “the West” look probably quite restrictive – which doesn’t support an article about western men in general. To me it is the same as saying “Sumo fighting will always symbolise Asia for me.” – ie picking one particular stereotyped sport in one particular country which has virtually no reach (and is often mocked) in any other country of the group you are trying to define.

    Not to say Asian guys are not good, just saying you are probably stereotyping and generalising quite a bit.

  • Patrick

    I would like to know where all these submissive asian women are. Never met one, stubborn argumentative and wonderful – never submissive.

  • Just John

    I can relate to your article, but in reverse.

    For me, I always had trouble with relationships in the US.
    Growing up without any real male role models, my time spent with family consisted of an aunt, mom, and 5 female cousins.

    Being around women virtually all the time, I must admit that I probably turned out more “feminine” then the typical man is “suppose” to be, unless he is gay, which I definitely am not.

    As such, it was that I always found myself in relationships with women in the US who were more “masculine” in their behavior. Me and my ex wife even have a joke that I was the wife and she was the husband in the relationship.

    Reading your article puts into better light why I may feel more comfortable around women here, and find myself in a much better relationship (married to a Taiwanese).

    I agree that the men are softer (when compared to western standards), which may be why I am more accepted by women here. The women are more feminine here on average then their “western” counterparts, so now there is no longer the awkward gender imbalance (My wife is, ironically, a very girly woman, who embodies everything “cute and feminine”).

  • Kitty

    Hmm… I live in Vietnam & am not usually attracted to men in general, but what I really take issue with is how men tend to treat me here–like it’s my body that matters, nothing else. And I don’t want to have kids yet, I don’t want to cook & clean for someone… My female Vietnamese friends, both married & unmarried, complain about how the women do all the work & the men have all the fun. Not what I want!! And the Vietnamese lesbians I’ve met are even harder to deal with–always treating me like a brainless little femme who must be petted & cossetted (regardless of the fact that I’m not even a “femme” in the first place–I’m just not “butch” either).

    • TheTravellingMan

      er… Don’t really understand what your point is here… perhaps a bit difficult for others to relate to

      • Kitty

        perhaps a bit difficult for others to relate to

        Undoubtedly–if only because the majority of Westerners here are men who want their women young, beautiful, and submissive. I’m sure it’s rather difficult, from that vantage point, to see the other side of the equation.

        To put my point more clearly: men hold the winning ticket for the gender lottery in Asia. Nearly every Vietnamese woman I know (including happily married ones) has expressed frustration with the fact that men have all the fun & freedom while women have to marry young, have babies, & then spend the rest of their lives working, cooking, cleaning, and waiting around while the men drink rice wine. It’s part of their culture, and they love their culture, so by & large they accept it–but that doesn’t mean they like it or want it for their daughters. It isn’t my culture, however, & I don’t have the benefit of being born & bred to it to help me cope with it. And I doubt I’m the only Western woman to hold these reservations.

        There have been Vietnamese men who’ve attracted me–but when they spend an entire year pursuing me & never say anything but how beautiful & “womanly” I am, how good with children, how meek & gentle: that makes me a bit leery. To my Western sensibilities, it feels demeaning. Like most Western women, I want to be valued for my intellect as well as for my “beauty.” And so far I haven’t found any Western man–or lesbian–who makes me feel as if they would respect that part of me. As much as I love and admire this culture, the gender dynamics are hard to swallow. (I have to add, too, that from what I’ve read Vietnamese culture has never embraced misogyny the way China has–even after a thousand years of Chinese occupation.)

        I’ve heard some Western men express frustration with the passivity of their Asian wives or girlfriends; can you imagine what it’s like to be on the other side of the gender divide? Not to mention that even if one does find an exceptionally open-minded man, there are still the intrusive expectations of his family & community to deal with. Oh, and did I mention that women pass their peak of desirability rather quickly here? Where a 40-year-old Western man would be dripping with girls, his female counterpart will most likely be ignored. At barely twenty-five I’m already getting a bit long in the tooth, and I expect to find myself exponentially less desirable within the next few years.

        In sum: I think there’s more to this issue than simply a Western prejudice regarding the desirability of Asian men (though that bias does exist). There are simply far more Western men who want a young, beautiful, submissive girlfriend/wife than there are Western women who want to be a young, beautiful, submissive girlfriend/wife. What men love about Asia is not always very attractive to women.

        • 帅国人

          i protest that. my girlfriend is chinese and like many female chinese fellows she often has the attitude of a princess, she has zero experience in cleaning and cooking. often i feel that she has all the fun.
          besides that she is cool;)

  • heeroyuy111

    Monica, thank you for sharing this with us. It’s refreshing to see an article where the author has a positive outlook on her Asian male brethren and more importantly, actually DATES Chinese men herself.

    • Thehusband

      Um every asian female would view asian male positively if he was good looking; why else do they get all the hot asian girls? Keep in mind that most asian females arent attractive either

  • someasiandude

    It occurs to me that you have this laudable perspective because you grew up in an asian country, spent your formative years around asian people, have peers that date and marry asian guys. Being with someone similar to yourself is the norm, the default, the expectation. It is the path of least resistance.

    This is not so for the typical upper-middle-class asian-american girl growing up in northeastern suburbia, in a good (read: white) gated neighborhood, for whom being asian is often a source of frustration, and identities form around the idea of wanting to be white or at least Not Asian.

    • TheHusband

      The ones with such low self esteem tend to be the less attractive ones; attractive asian women tend to be proud to be asian, which is why they always end up marrying asian men

  • david

    hey dipshi
    li xiao long was not born in china.

  • Capt. WED

    U are full of win Monica.

  • Michael S.

    “But I don’t need a guy to hunt boar or plant potatoes. Build my house. Fight wars. Or slap me around. I need a guy who will be my partner. Be a good father to our kids. Hold my hand, and hug me when I feel sad that I’m living so far away from my family and friends. And for these things there are many, attractive Chinese guys, who can definitely qualify.”

    Ouch, I’m part-White, part-Asian from the US. I like sports(especially boxing and American football), come from a military family, and I like the outdoors, but I also love my family and I’ll gladly comfort and show affection to the woman I’m with. Also, I definitely wouldn’t even think about harming a woman. Even if its not your intention(which I think its not) to make it sound like most Western men aren’t empathetic and affectionate, that statement sure makes it sound like it.

    Also, for the record. I hear just as many accounts about men being abusive, clingy, or all around jerks here in Asia as I do in the US.

  • Kyle

    Africans are an increasingly common sight here in Beijing, and if the contrast between a white person and a Chinese person, I’d argue that it is even more so with Africans. The timbre of an African voice resonates deeply. And his form is generally more muscular.
    ————————————————–

    Yes. I agree with Monica about that point . There are also other differences between the Africans and Chinese, such as intelligence.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QOtsSj1chg&t=3m

    Just as the Africans are in general more muscular when compared to Chinese guys, most Africans are retarded when compared to the Chinese. The Chinese who date these Africans don’t realize this. They will be in for a big surprise when they have children that are violent savages, not smart enough to function in a Chinese society. This will be the African part of them expressing itself. But at least the children will be more muscular when compared to the average Chinese.

    • Pete

      @Kyle, are you Chinese? Just your comment shows how retarted you are, what makes you think all Africans are retarted and violent savages, have you been to Africa before?, I am an American caucasian, I’ve been to several African countries before and I am married to an African woman from Zimbabwe, 3/4 of the people there are very civilised and know how to communicate, stop generalizing it’s wrong

      • Nono

        It’s just interesting that Pete assumes Kyle to be a Chinese. Eiter case Kyle made a comment I heard more than once from some redneck caucasians, albeit in a more subtle and less hurting sort of the way.

        So Kyle, what’s your ethnical backgroud? Let’s say please come clean if you are not Chinese, let the poor people of the hook for being accused of racisim.

      • Kyle

        Perhaps I should not have used the word retarded, as it serves no purpose. As the good professor in the video says, it’s better to think of see the average African as having a mental age of an 11 year old.

        As for it being wrong to generalize, the author of this article seems to generalize too. Is she wrong to do so?

        “And his form is generally more muscular.” Is it wrong to say such a thing, even though it is true?

        Is it wrong for me to say Africans are, in general, of lower intelligence when compared to the Chinese? All scientific evidence points in that direction. Reality points in that direction.

        And what is this asking if I am Chinese? I say something you don’t like and you are assuming I’m Chinese? Do you think so badly of Chinese people?

        Well, good luck @Pete. Let’s see how your kids turn out. Let’s hope he/she/they won’t be like how the blacks we have here in America.

        http://erectuswalksamongst.us/

        • Pete

          There you go again, how are they in America?

          • Kyle

            @Pete, you asks me questions without answering any of mine. So I will ask you again.

            The author of the article stated this about Africans, comparing them to the Chinese “…And his form is generally more muscular.” She is generalizing here. Is what she said wrong?

            All the scientific research suggests that Africans are, in general, less intelligent than Whites and Asians such as the Chinese. Is that wrong? If so, do you have any evidence that contradict this fact?

            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QOtsSj1chg&t=3m

            You have a problem with me generalizing when my generalizations are accurate more often than not.

          • epuff

            I read this with a keen eye. Bingo. He’s American and very likely from the south (where all the inbreds are). They’ve made this pathetic argument for years.

            There was once a study conducted at University of Chicago, I believe, that suggested that whites were smarter because they had bigger heads than black people. Then they measured the head size of the average Asian and discovered that Asians had bigger heads than white people, and so invalidated their own study, saying that head size had no merit lol.

    • darkandlovelykissedbythe

      Kyle, I am still praying for you. I am wondering why you are posting this comment in a forum dedicated to the experiences of Chinese people worldwide? Why are you so extremely obsessed with people of African descent? In reality if a person feels superior to someone else, or a group of people, why would the person continually be preoccupied with that a particular group of people, and have an ongoing obsession with proving that the person, or a particular group of people are inferior?
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJalF8SD3XM&feature=related

      • Kyle

        @darkandlovelykissedbythe

        This is the one and only time I will reply to you or any black person here on this site. You should go about your business and ignore what I say, as I am addressing the Chinese people here.

        I am here to let the readers of this site know the truth about the different races. What they decide to do with that fact is up to them. Are you afraid of people knowing the truth? This is not about any race being superior or inferior, as there is no such a thing as any superior race. Let the truth be known, that is it.

        You don’t need to pray for me. You should pray for the thousands and thousands of people here in America who are victims of black violence every year. That includes murders, rapes, assaults, etc. Pray for them.

        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MQTe0lxQt8
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1q08db7C2Ks
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFU5jYj6v1g

        For those people who watched that video that @darkandlovelykissedbythe posted previously, it is a joke. It is a perfect example of blacks blaming whites for their failures.

        • darkandlovelykissedbythe

          Kyle,
          You do not tell me what to do. So you assume I am Black because I take issue with what you say, or anyone else may say on this issue? Anyone who knows about Black history, is also Black. Got news for you, there are white people who have studied Black history, and teach about it. Now, that we have got that out of the way. Sounds like you are making excuses for your own personal failings, and I think that there is some obsessive/compulsive aspect to your continual rants. I don’t have to pray for you, but I choose to pray for you. So, here’s the deal Kyle. You do not tell me to go about my business, what to say, when to say it, or how to say it, or where to say it. I CHOOSE, not you. You should go on about your business and find somewhere where people like you can continually rant, and rave, and obsess, in order to avoid dealing with your own fears. Dr. Whelsing has studied behavior like yours extensively, and during the 1950′s or 1960′s spent time in Germany. She has written many, many books, and lectured extensively on the subject. She is no joke, and she counts many, many, intellectual heavy weights among her peers. Unfortunately Kyle you do not. Kyle you are not an expert, and you do not know the truth about ANY RACE. And I do pray for murders and rapist, quite a few of them are not exclusively Black, John Wayne Gasey, Dahmer,…..the list goes on. I have talked to so many women, and men who have been victims of violence, and I have news for you it was not exclusively Black people. Let’s not forget about the ATF selling guns to violent drug cartels, both in the U.S. and Mexico, and I just recently watched a video in which a young white man was killed by white cops. Violence, attributed to a particular group of people? So contiunue to address your comments to your perceived Chinese audience, if I choose to I will post a rebuttal, or not. Still praying for you Kyle and will continue to do so.

          • TAKE5

            Hey DLK, Kyle is on a mission to warn Chinese about Blacks. He is convinced China needs his protection.

            It’s ok Kyle, take your pills little brother. No need in worrying what the night is going to bring, it’ll be all over in the morning.

          • mr. weiner

            I think you just got talked down by this “11 year old” Kyle. Buddy it still bemuses me that someone with your smarts could get so preoccupide with this topic…I’m not prayin’ for you as I’m a goddless heathen, but I hope your thinking comes arround one day mate.

          • Kyle

            mr. weiner,

            fine, i’ll stop. i went a little too far there. it just got to me when he put up that video of blacks blaming evil whitey for their failures. as always, it’s evil whitey’s fault.

            but i will stop posting anymore about this topic of low black intelligence. of course, i still believe it is true. if i do, you (mr weiner) have my permission to give me a virtual slap on the head.

          • epuff

            very well said! You have shamed him. Like all race baiters they feel the need to dissiminate their hateful views. You are right, why is he on a chinese web site with that particular subject. Very strange indeed.

    • http://www.cyberklock.com SANMI

      Muscular and retarded ????
      Men that is Cold and Wrong. You need to relax a bit and be more human with the things you say.
      Am Black and I am Proud. Core African ,born and raised in African.
      Studying Artificial Intelligence in the University of Nottingham China. Guess what ??? Am the only one in that course.
      Please we are all humans and intelligence is not a factor of RACE.
      Take it easy Kyle…..All is well.

    • SkyChild

      I am sorry dude but that shit just doesn’t fly. There is absolutely no truth in your argument that people of African origin are less or more intelligent than people of any other origin. This small minded bigotry is demonstrating an immature take on the world around you and it is to your detriment.

  • Helen

    I’m a white 24 year old British woman, and my boyfriend is Chinese (born and bred). He’s the love of my life and we want to get married. Actually when I first came to China I was adamant that I would never date a Chinese guy because I didn’t find them attractive and to be honest, I still don’t: my boyfriend is just the exception. The reason though is not an aesthetic thing but a cultural/linguistic thing. My Chinese isn’t great and I find Chinese men a bit too timid. And they generally don’t have the same outlook on life as I do: I’m an opinionated, independent career woman who likes going out and getting into heated political debates. That just isn’t what Chinese men are looking for. My boyfriend just happens to be one in about 600 million Chinese men who I think I could date, and who would date me. Which is quite lucky.

  • Holly~

    Yes I admit, I’m a white girl with yellow fever, (but race fetishism is just plain wrong!) Come on, ignore the race thing then look at some of those dudes, they are effing HOT. I mean nommy nommy Godfrey Tsao. DAMN. Yay for White women with Asian guys.

    LOL I loved the part about your ‘True blue Aussie Sheila friend’ who happens to have serious yellow fever. I can so relate to that. When I went to China I swear I thought I’d died and gone to eye candy heaven. Even just the normal dudes that you pass in the street have that something going on. Besides I was in the North (Liaoning & Jilin) and I honestly never realised there could be so many tall, sharp, well built Chinese men out there…they are pretty tough guys and they can handle themselves/hold their drink alright.

    • Jess

      Hahaha, I can relate too! Like Holly, and Monica Tan’s friend, I am also a ‘true blue Assuie sheila’ with the ‘yellow fever’ too. Nothing over the top, I have found men of all colours attractive, it all comes down to personality, interests and values, it’s whoever you click with. Admittedly, many of the physical qualities I prefer can be found in Asian men. Something about limited body hair, smooth skin and black hair (generalisations of course but you get what I mean). In high school many of the white or other boys I knew were too ockerish or bogan for my liking (admittedly I did not meet many because I went to an all girls school). The first clue to my ‘yellow fever’ was probably my first boyfriend in high school was a white guy who was into ‘Asian stuff’ too, he studied Japanese, I studied Chinese. Second clue was probably when attending extra Chinese classes on Saturdays, I found the three Chinese-Australian boys in my class very attractive. The first time I spent serious time in China, I was 18, just graduated from high school, and studying Chinese in Shenyang. And yeah, soon enough I was seeing eye candy! There’s something about the Dongbei boys! I was never into hanging up posters of celebrity guys in high school, but Leehom and Wilber Pan posters soon found a place on my dorm room wall once I had spent a few weeks in China! I got to know some Chinese guys, some too up themselves, some too ugly, some too ‘fenqing’, some overambitious with poor social skills or critical thinking, some nice and attractive but dated my friends instead! I had a Chinese boyfriend there but we broke up fast- in the end I think he was using me for my English, he benefited far more from our relationship than I ever did. He was super ambitious and in the end wasn’t spending much time with me at all- even though we attended the same university. I think he wanted to be like the next Li Yang or something. I learned a lot from this experience though, and never dismissed ever dating a Chinese guy again because of this one poor relationship. I learned a lot about the subtleties of relationships in China, and the diversity of personalities and physiques that are there. Hey, there are over 600 million dudes to choose from, you’re bound to find someone you like! It just takes time and acclimatisation and definitely an open mind. And you need to be good at the language!

      Just under two years ago was the second time I went to China to study. I was a few years older and wiser, and much more fluent in the langauge. In my summer holiday, I met the most amazing guy in Inner Mongolia, and we’re still together. He’s so open-minded, creative, determined and caring, very cute and amazing arm muscles to boot! We can talk about anything with each other. We talk in Chinese, but I always write to him in English, and his English is improving quite quickly. I’ve been back since to see him again, and will go back to see him once I’ve graduated. He’s even met my parents when they went on a trip to China and they think he’s great. He was just so respectful and talkative with them, despite the language barrier. I really admired him for his ability to constantly challenge himself. He’d love it if I could stay in China, but he’s willing to move to Australia if necessary. It’s funny the reactions we get when we’re together in China, which is different from the white guy friends I have in China who have Chinese girlfriends. I’ve had indifference, shock, admiration, curious interest, and only one look of disgust, but mostly shock and admiration, especially from other guys who think he’s “like a boss”.

      It’s funny that with so many Chinese students out here in Australia, (and I’ve met a lot) I’ve only found two or three attractive personality-wise, others had never interested me that much, I think it’s to do with a lot of them hanging out only with other Chinese and doing only ‘Chinese things’ and dating only Chinese girls despite having this amazing chunk of time and opportunity to learn and discover new things and engage in another culture. Amonst this cohort of students abroad, you just can’t find the diversity you can find within China itself. I am involved in a lot of bilateral Australia-China student society stuff at University and many of them are intimidated by the fact that I am white and can speak Chinese and have a lot of knowledge of Chinese pop culture, slang and internet memes. It totally freaks them out!

      Anyway, sorry for the long story, just wanted to get my experiences out there, and encourage girls to give the Asian guys a go! I do have some white girl friends who have Asian girl friends but are of the attitude, “I just don’t find Asian men attractive” it just really annoys me and stinks of close-mindedness and possibly racism. But they’re respectful of and interested in my relationship, and even admitted that my boyfriend, “isn’t bad looking!” He’s far different from the stereotype they had in mind!

  • Jason

    LOL all the photos you put up are TAIWANESE MEN! Maybe u shuld rename this post Ode to Taiwanese Male lol

  • Gisette

    Hallelujah! I think that I have yellow fever, too, but I’m a white girl…definitely no fetishizing for me, though, since racial fetishes are kind of creepy. However, “they’re smaller, softer, and sweeter – are the same qualities that unfortunately render Asian men unattractive to foreign women,” is something that I find a little untrue, at least when it comes to the bias that ALL foreign women find such qualities unattractive. I, for one, find such traits very attractive in men simply because, if I were to meet an Asian male like that, it’s something that it’d really have in common with them. And the thought of those three traits in a guy makes my heart melt. <3 Plus, physically, I'm a lot smaller then most girls that I know–I'm 5'5" and barely weigh 104 pounds, which I think is desirable by an Asian male's standards, right?

    Overall, I really only want to date and marry Asian males, although I would make concessions for a black male because a lot of the ones that I've had the pleasure of knowing are very intellectual and extremely good-looking, and athletic, with good manners and are pretty damn smart. :)

    And to Kyle, the poster child for all racist jackasses out there, there are good and bad in every society. Have you ever heard of rednecks, dearie boy? Gangsters can be white, too, silly. It's a mode of lifestyle that has nothing to do with race as a whole but everything to do with individuals and their choices. And, as for intellect, stupidity only spares those who apply themselves, and most of the awesomesausome black people I know are intelligent and kind, as well as being extremely pleasant, and extremely fun to be around.

    PS A lot of Asian guys are effing SEXY. I wish someone could make me in China lolz. ;)

  • fx

    I’m a Chinese guy, Chinese men from north part of China are taller and bigger built in general than men from south,but those southerners are smarter and richer.I’m bisexual live in UK,if let me choose a boyfriend i would definitely prefer Caucasian male because they’re well endowed and more masculine ,but for girlfriend i would prefer Asian girls ,because they’re cute ,more feminine . Caucasian male also have more spontaneous character traits .some English girls had showed interests in me but unless i’m very drunk otherwise i’d go for a shorter and cute one ,it’s easier to handle.

  • burntmetal

    There are two reasons Western girls generally don’t go for Asian guys.

    1) Asian guys are shorter.

    2) They’ve been conditioned by their media to not see Asian men as attractive.

    I don’t think slender build is a problem because some women like slender men (me included). Although maybe the percentage is lower is Western countries due to cultural conditioning.

    However, I’ve been noticing a lot of Western girls with yellow fever lately. Most are fans of Asian pop culture like Korean Wave, Japanese music and dramas. Who knows Asian guys might be in demand in the future.

    • Guesting

      Attraction has more to do with human nature than fictional media entertainment. Western women find most white men unattractive too. Any woman could still like an asian man if he was inherently aesthetic

  • burntmetal

    Ps. Some women are attracted to the “feminine” qualities that you claim render Asian men undesirable. It all depends on the woman. We have different tastes.

    It’s also important to remember that people come in all personality types regardless of race. To say Asian men are “feminine” is a very broad generalisation. Most of the men I know are not “feminine”. (I’m from Malaysia).

  • epuff

    From the article “I’ll never forget one Chinese class we were reading a textbook in which the Chinese author described a character as a “beautiful black woman”, which made my teacher laugh. She said, “I guess the writer is just being polite”. When I asked her why, she said, “uh, well, I guess we Chinese people can’t tell if a black person is beautiful or not.”

    This makes me wonder… very recently, in 2010 and ongoing into 2011, I knew this young Asian boy (he’s really a man but he’s much younger so I’ll refer to him as a boy). Very cute and liked me. I’m going to be honest. I don’t know what type of Asian he is, and I was too polite to ask.

    As a female, I know what I look like. My daughter’s friends compliment me, or someone will randomly say that I am pretty or randomly compliment my features. These are things I’ve heard my entire life, but I just don’t know because I don’t see myself in any particular way. I just assume I may not be ugly to other people. Now, with this asian guy, he has openly flirted, called me his sweetheart, just numerous things to suggest that he is very interested but never made an official move. It has been surprising to me that he is so interested because he is FOB (fresh off the boat). It’s not like he’s been an American for a long time.

    After some flirting and setting up a date, I severed ties with him. Why? 1.) Because he was too young. 2.) Because he may not have been aware of just how much older I am than him. I’m in my late 30s with teenager children. He does not know I have children. I know i look a great deal younger. Just tonight someone was shocked when my 20 year old son introduced me as his mother. She said “I did not know your mother was so young!” Bear in mind, I was a married legal adult when he was born.

    I just rather avoid having a connection with this Asian guy because I don’t know how to break the news of being divorced with children to him. How to explain that we are not even in the same age group.

    I don’t know if he finds me attractive or if he likes my personality. I don’t k now what an asian person sees looking at an american black woman, so it is too much of a hassle so I said forget it and moved on.

    That chinese teacher referenced in the article gave me pause. Kind of made me glad that I severed ties with the young man, even though he was really nice and I enjoyed talking to him.

  • http://www.facebook.com/gordon.gogodancer Gordon Gogodancer

    “American football will always symbolize the West for me” ? For most Chinese people a Westerner is just an American. Europe is more complex than that (700 million people). You can’t even categorize Westerners when you see how France, England, Germany, Spain, Italy etc…are so damn different. Oh sure they are still similar from a the Chinese point of view. If ever you meet a guy from Europe, don’t blame him if he doesn’t appreciate it much if you talk to him like he is an American.

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